Dear Lazyweb:

I don't ever want to get a single further email from British Midland unless I have unfortunately somehow found it necessary to use their services as an airline. This is a tale of how to screw up a customer relationship.

I used to be a somewhat frequent flyer with BMI, and have an account with them. Since it's now over six years since I have flown with them (and counting, naturally) I haven't had the need to log in. As a result I cannot remember what the password is.

But still BMI keep sending emails. No, it's not voluminous, but it is incessant. So eventually I decide that I will put a stop to this and look for the "stop spamming me" link that is required in the United States. (At this point a faint hope rises in my breast that BMI may somehow be incorporated in the USA, in which case there may even be legal redress). Guess what? In order to cancel my subscription to their fucking emails I have to log in to my account! Full marks to the system geniuses who thought that one up, and thanks to the lawyers who let them do it.

Distant memories return of having tried this caper before. Now my frustration and rage is explained: the "Contact Us" link requires you to log in to your account (or create a new one)! Lordy, lordy, where's my fucking gun? Who are these dimwits?

[EDIT: You can in fact "ask a question" - I asked for "phone" and one of the answers gives me a UK number to ring and links to a bunch of other international numbers].

Anyway, it seems my last hope is to write a really snarky blog post (people who know me, and you should be able to tell from the typical content of my blogs) and have it go viral in the hope that someone at British Midland knows how to use the fucking Internet properly and meanders across in a month or so to find out what all the BMI buzz is about. Harness the power of the Internet. I should say so. I'm a technologist, and I have friends.

Fix your public communications, already. You are dumb shits. Fix this.

[EDIT: Looking at the comments you will see I was making a big deal about not very much. I'd still like to know exactly how BMI rubbed me up the wrong way so badly that I was prepared to publicly hate them. That's just not like me.]