My Lord Mayor, Ladies and Gentlemen, it is again an honour to attend this wonderful dinner and to speak to you as Chancellor for the fifth time.

• Hello, everybody. What an election!.

Lord Mayor, I remember coming here to Mansion House, just weeks after the government was formed in 2010 – with Britain on the brink of an economic crisis – to give my first major speech on the task ahead.

• Here we are again.

I set out for you the economic plan we would follow, and I drew on the words Winston Churchill had uttered in this very hall, to say that while Britain could not pretend our travails were at an end, we were at least at the end of the beginning.

• Now we can start to cut the State to the bone

In the four years since, supported by the resolution and sacrifice of the British people, we have worked through that plan.

• It's been rewarding to see how little effective opposition our plans have created.

Now we are starting to see the results:

• Look at all the poor people struggling to survive.

Britain growing faster than any advanced economy in the world.

• Everyone is in the shit right now, so we have to concentrate on growth because that's the only positive indicator. It isn't difficult to look fast when you've been crawling for five years.

A record number of people in work.

• Zero hours contracts and reduction of benefits have allowed employers to offer horrendously unfavourable working conditions and forced people to accept them.

Now strong business investment on the back of low business taxes.

• You can now keep more of the profits for yourself and borrow what you like.

And a budget deficit this year set to be half what it was.

• But I don't tell you when it was twice as large because I'm hoping nobody will point out that I promised to have eliminated it by now.

Last week, the IMF said that our resolute fiscal policy had been in their words an "anchor for the British economy" that had maintained confidence and stability in the face of the storm.

• Let's not mention that the IMF said we shouldn't be trying to cut the deficit in the next five years.

And I want to say to the business and financial community: you did not waver; you stuck with us and I thank you.

• So it's treble brandies all round, and we know how to take care of our friends.

But the task is far from complete; and there are many risks to the progress we have made.

• We can't be letting the poor get too mouthy about the situation.

Abroad, the risks stem from the weak eurozone, unpredictable geopolitics and the slowdown in some emerging markets.

• We continue to try to shelter you from the risk that investments can go down as well as up.

At home, our economy is still too unbalanced, so I am the first to say we need to continue our efforts to boost business investment, exports and housing supply.

• We want to make sure that big business is always profitable here so that rich people can continue to inflate the London property market.

But the biggest risk comes from the tendency in parts of our body politic – the left and now too the populist right – to wage a war on enterprise, regulate prices, propose penal taxes, close Britain to business and return to the old ways of borrow and spend.

• We have to make sure that nobody makes us take proper care of the people who foolishly trusted us with their futures. Bugger me, even some Tories are trying to tell me we are going too far. Can you believe that?

We must win this battle.

• The little people have no idea how to spend money, so we should do them the favour of making sure they don't have any.

And go on confronting Britain’s problems with long term answers that will build an economy for everyone.

• So we are going to hamstring future governments in ways that we would have found unconscionable when we took power and make sure that the wealth gap continues to increase.

So while I know this is my fifth speech to you as Chancellor; I hope it is not my last.

• There's always the chance of a vote of no confidence, but Dave fixed things by ensuring that was the only way to get rid of us, and no MP wants to become suddenly unemployed just to make the point that the people of this country are hurting. So you will see me again, remember.

For I want to finish the job.

• I want to squeeze the poor until the pips squeak.

Lord Mayor, tonight we are joined by someone attending their first Mansion House dinner.

• Tonight I'd like to welcome to the club.

Our Governor of the Bank of England.

• Who has promised not to make waves.

Mark, we all thank you for the integrity, intelligence and international reach you have brought to the challenges of the last year.

• I think my boy done good so far.

And we look forward to what you have to say.

• And I'm hoping he will continue to see things my way. He'd better.

Our 3 new Deputy Governors – Jon Cunliffe, Ben Broadbent and Minouche Shafik, together with Andrew Bailey, complete what I immodestly think is the strongest team of any central bank in the world.

• Isn't the old pals act wonderful?

The Court continues the oversight of the Bank’s work, and at the end of this month Anthony Habgood will replace David Lees as its chair.

• Business as usual will continue under new management.

David, thank you for helping steer the Bank through the big reforms of recent years and the appointment of a new Governor.

• The knighthood is in the mail.

And thank you too to Charlie Bean for the 6 years he has given our nation as Deputy Governor.

• I'm calling you Charlie so we don't draw attention to the fact we already gave you a knighthood.

We are lucky that one of our greatest economists has chosen to dedicate his life to public service for so long.

• Otherwise we might have had to put up with someone more connected to the realities of everyday life.

The Bank of England now sits back where it belongs, at the heart of our financial system – supervising the prudential regulation of our banks and insurers, thanks to the reforms I announced in my first speech here at the Mansion House in 2010.

• Having given the banks a shitload of money we are happy to see that nothing else had to change.

And in each speech since, I have set out new steps to strengthen the resilience of our economy and the financing that underpins it.

• I continue to waffle pointlessly about changes that let you continue to do pretty much whatever you want no matter what the consequences to the economy.

2011, ringfencing our retail banks.

• Making more jobs for the boys in banking without any uncomfortably hasty changes.

2012, launching Funding for Lending.

• Wheelbarrow loads of free cash for you to profit from by lending out with very little risk.

Last year, restructuring the Royal Bank of Scotland and firing the starting gun on the sale of our stake in Lloyds.

• Liquidating the government's investments in the banks to avoid having to raise taxes, ignoring that fact this only affect's a single year's deficit.

It would be tempting this year, at the Mansion House, to pause for breath.

• Haven't we done well?

But our task is far from complete – and today I will announce further changes to build that resilient economy for all and the strong, competitive financial services that should contribute to it.

• Pay no attention to the cries of the disabled and the homeless; we know who's really important in this country and we want them to get wealthier.

Lord Mayor, the City of London has emerged from the wreckage of what went so badly wrong, stronger and better regulated, more international and more responsive to the needs of customers here at home.

• We managed to protect you from your earlier fuck-ups and will continue to do so if you play ball.

Our financial exports grew 10pc last year, and our surplus in finance and insurance has reached £45bn – twice as much as our closest competitors.

• Ignore the fact that financial profits contributes nothing to the well-being of most citizens and that our manufacturing base continues to be further eroded, banks are having a terrific time.

We’ve welcomed to Britain the headquarters of some of the world’s largest insurance firms.

• Everybody's climbing on the bandwaggon as they see they can pretty much do what they like over here.

And we have been chosen as the location for the International Forum of the world’s Sovereign Wealth Funds.

• And our rich pals will continue to visit.

In my first Mansion House speech, I said I wanted British financial firms and markets to be at the heart of financing China’s extraordinary expansion.

• We smell real money over there in China, just like in the nineteenth century.

Now two thirds of all Renminbi payments outside of China and Hong Kong now take place in London.

• And the Chinese understand that our loosey goosey financial regulations offer real opportunities.

Chinese bonds are being issued here, Chinese assets are being managed here, Chinese banks will be able to apply for branches here, a Chinese clearing bank is soon to be appointed here - and next week, when the Chinese Premier visits, we will take the next big step forward in the economic partnership of our two great, historic trading nations.

• I just hope nobody notices that China is taking their responsibilities for global climate change much more seriously than we are.

I can also confirm tonight our intention in the next few weeks, subject to market conditions, for Britain to be the first Western nation to issue a sovereign sukuk – an Islamic bond.

• Of cours we also want the ragheads' money so we won't be issuing traditional Islamic bonds, which merely confer ownership of a debt and offer no profits.

For I want Britain to be not just the western hub of Chinese finance – but of Islamic finance too.

• All your monies are belong to us.

It is with these active steps that together we are making Britain the undisputed centre of the global financial system.

• We are aiming at creating a single point of failure the next time the ill-informed greed of those in the international financial system causes a melt-down.

But all this can so easily be put at risk.

• I'm a little concerned that democratic actions might one day reverse some of the benefits we have piled on you.

By badly-conceived EU rules that only reinforce the case for reform in Europe.

• The Europeans have been getting a bit uppity about our insistence on taking more than we give despite being according to my story one of the strongest economies.

By populist proposals for self-defeating bonus taxes and punitive income tax rates.

• And God forbid you should have to give more of your money to the public purse when the poor still have some

And by the potential break up of our nation.

• Although the Westminster government managed to steal some of Scotland's oil fields we want to make sure you can continue to profit from the rest.

Edinburgh is even stronger as a world-renowned centre for asset management because it is part of a United Kingdom that is a world-renowned centre of finance.

• We want you to be able to keep your fingers in ALL the pies.

And let us hope it remains so, for we are better together.

• We aren't really sure what these SNP oiks are up to yet.

We should be candid tonight about another risk.

• You understand, of course, that I have to be seen delivering a mild slap on the wrist.

The risk that scandals on our trading floors call into question the integrity of our financial markets.

• But don't worry, it won't hurt.

People should know that when they trade in London, whether in commodities or currencies or fixed income instruments, that they are trading in markets that are fair and effective.

• We will continue to pretend that nobody is rigging the markets.

The revelations about the manipulation of LIBOR added further damage to reputation of financial services, here and abroad.

• You really shouldn't have let that one get out.

In Britain, thanks to the leadership of Martin Wheatley and Andrew Tyrie, we acted swiftly to punish the wrongdoers and fix the system.

• But don't worry, nobody will go to jail despite the fact that even the Bank of England (prop. Mark Carney) suggests that is the most effective deterrent.

Let us not wait for the next wave of scandals in financial markets to hit us before we respond.

• Let us also ignore the fact that we can't respond to something that hasn't yet happened. We will continue to believe that we can predict everything that will happen.

The integrity of these markets matters to us. London is home to 40% of the global foreign exchange business; 45% of over-the-counter derivatives trading; and 70% of trading in international bonds.

• Look at me, Ma!

And Mark Carney and I intend to keep it that way.

• Would you like another treble brandy?

So today I can announce that the Treasury, the Bank of England and the Financial Conduct Authority will conduct a comprehensive review of standards in our fixed income, currency and commodity markets.

• But it will be the usual whitewash job so there's no need to worry.

The Fair and Effective Markets Review will be chaired by the new Deputy Governor, and former Deputy Managing Director of the IMF, Minouche Shafik – and she will be joined by Martin Wheatley and Charles Roxburgh.

• We called it that as a joke.

This review must work closely with industry. So I am establishing a panel of market practitioners, chaired by Elizabeth Corley, chief executive of Allianz Global Investors.

• So as you can see it's old pals all the way round, wiht nobody who's likely to make any waves involved in the process.

The Review will produce its report in a year’s time.

• Or later, but by then everyone will have forgotten about it.

And some of its recommendations may require international agreement.

• Our pals abroad have some useful ideas for getting richer.

In the meantime, we will act here at home.

• But we also have some of our own.

I am today announcing that we will extend the new powers we put in place to regulate Libor to cover further major benchmarks across foreign exchange, commodity and fixed income markets – many of which are currently entirely unregulated.

• You know, I just can't see an open stable door without wanting to bolt it. And it's so much easier than trying to figure out how you are cheating now.

Based on the Review’s conclusions we will publish and consult on the full list of benchmarks to be covered by this autumn, and we will have the new regime in place by the end of the year.

• Don't worry. You will just have to write reports that nobody will read.

I am also extending the senior managers regime to cover all banks that operate in this country, including the branches of foreign banks.

• But as usual "being held to account" won't actually mean punishment.

And I can also announce that we will introduce tough new domestic criminal offences for market abuse, rather than opt into European rules we do not think suitable or sufficient for our needs.

• Things are getting a bit sticky for crooked banker in Europe so we'll have our own regime instead.

For let me make this clear, so no one is in any doubt.

• This next statement is a lie.

The integrity of the City matters to the economy of Britain.

• HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Markets here set the interest rates for people’s mortgages, the exchange rates for our exports and holidays, and the commodity prices for the goods we buy.

• Which is terrific, since we've made sure that there's no effective scrutiny on people trying to push the rates they way they want them to go.

I am going to deal with abuses, tackle the unacceptable behaviour of the few, and ensure that markets are fair for the many who depend on them.

• A few minions might get into real hot water, but mostly it'll just be fines again.

We’re not going to wait for more scandals to hit– instead we are going to act now, and get ahead.

• We will try and keep the scandals covered up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, robust financial markets are an important part of building a resilient economy.

• We demand your God-given right to make money simply by virtue of sitting on large piles of it.

But tonight, I want to address another market which can create a risk to Britain’s economic stability and prosperity.

• Enough of this unpleasantness. Sorry about having to do that.

Not a new risk, but an old and very familiar one to us in this country – and that’s our housing market.

• Remember how some of our mates got burned in Docklands?

The challenge is that we want several things which don’t sit comfortably together.

• Of course we want you to be able to have your cake and eat it too.

For most people, their home is the biggest investment of their lifetime. And, of course, they want that asset to increase in value over time.

• We will continue to pretend that a mortgage is the gateway to financial independence, ignoring the fact that you can only take your equity out by leaving yourself with nowhere to live.

But a home is also a place to live and build our lives – and we want all families to be able to afford security, comfort and peace of mind.

• Rich families, that is. The poor and disabled are stuck with the bedroom tax, and have to downsize or lose benefits.

That means homes have to be affordable – whether you’re renting or buying.

• We need to keep up the appearance that we care about the little people. 

The only way that can be achieved over the long term is by building more, so supply better matches demand.

• And since they can't afford to build property, that will be a spiffing chance for you to put those bonuses to profitable use.

But we are a small and crowded island, keen to protect our green spaces and ready to object to new development.

• They still won't let you build just anywhere.

So the British people want our homes to go up in value, but also remain affordable; and we want more homes built, just not next to us.

• Oiks.

You can see why no one has managed yet to solve the problems of Britain’s housing market.

• But being the God-given gift to the British economy that I am, I have an idea.

Instead we have the repeated cycle of financial instability driven by high household debt; and we see the social injustice of millions of families denied good homes.

• There has to be a profit opportunity in there somewhere.

But that should not deter our generation from trying to fix the housing challenge – for the price of failure is too high.

• We might not get re-elected if we fuck this one up.

So my message today is this.

• So listen up.

As Chancellor, I have never shied away from confronting Britain’s problems.

• God knows, I've created enough problems.

The housing market is no exception.

• So now I'm going to screw things up even worse.

I’m determined to back aspiration in every way I can, including the aspiration to own your own home.

• But more particularly, of course, the aspiration to have more money than you could spend in a hundred lifetimes.

But I’m not going to opt for the easy route of some of my recent predecessors: duck the issues, risk a housing boom, and keep my fingers crossed that it won’t damage the economy.

• You will remember that housing new starts under the last government reached record lows.

So no irresponsible gambles with stability; no short-term fixes.

• Don't expect me to do anything in a hurry.

Housing is a long term problem – and our economic plan will provide long term answers.

• If we work it right we can keep people paying through their noses all their lives.

Here’s how.

• I'm now going to waffle a lot.

First, we have to be clear-eyed about where the risks to economic stability lie today.

• We have to keep our eye on the oiks.

The risks come when people borrow too much to pay for rising house prices.

• They still seem to think they are entitled to buy property even though we have continues to force wages and working conditions down.

In excess, that debt can cause serious difficulties for them and the banks who lent to them.

• And we all know what happens when banks get too greedy and start lending to poor people to increase their profits.

And it can cause difficulties for the economy as a whole if an overhang of debt suppresses consumer spending.

• Besides which, other people want to take their money too.

Now, today, house prices are still lower in real terms than they were in 2007 – and are forecast to stay below that peak for some years to come.

• Of course I picked 2007 because that was right before the latest property bubble burst.

At the same time debt-servicing costs remain at near record lows and rental yields are in line with long term trends.

• But I know y'all like the almost free government money, and landlords are loving things now.

So there is no immediate cause for alarm.

• And we know you won't be banging on the gates with pitchforks in your hand.

Indeed the most recent data shows that mortgage approvals have actually slowed in the last couple of months.

• Besides which you are now refusing to lend to the hardworking people we had to pretend to care about to get elected.

But we need to be vigilant.

• But we can continue our games as long as we keep our wits about us.

For there are on the horizon things that should give us some causes for concern.

• For we have to make sure we keep the profits flowing.

If London prices were to continue growing at these rates that would be too fast for comfort.

• Even the moderately wealthy are now finding it difficult to buy the places they want (though of course the obscenely rich don't give a shit).

And the rate of price rises is now beginning to spread beyond London.

• Central London is now stuffed full with rich people.

Across the country, the ratio of house prices to incomes is high by historical standards.

• Which is why I chose 2007 as the baseline for my earlier comparison.

And while average loan to value ratios for new lending are still well below normal, average loan to income ratios have risen to new highs.

• We've managed continue reducing incomes in real terms as property prices continue their remorseless rise.

Let me spell it out: does the housing market pose an immediate threat to financial stability today? No, it doesn’t.

• So the housing market poses an immediate threat to financial stability.

Could it in the future? Yes, it could, especially if we don’t learn the lessons of the past.

• And things could get worse if you don't buck your ideas up. Repossessions make the government look bad.

So we act now to insure ourselves against future problems before they can materialise.

• And despite the fact that we are all pals, we aren't going to let you make us look bad.

Because economic security comes first.

• Because we want to be re-elected again in five years.

The first challenge is to be clear about the issue, and we are.

• So that's the waffle over with.

The second is to act on it.

• You may not like this bit.

When I spoke to you in 2010, I said one of the weaknesses of the system of financial regulation I’d inherited was that no one was looking for broader risks across the economy, in areas like housing.

• My predecessor as Chancellor was no more in charge of the economy than I am.

So no one saw the rising debt levels – or had the tools to do anything about them.

• So I can hardly blame him for his short-sightedness.

I have changed that.

• Now we will be able to see the rising debt levels and not do anything about them.

The new Financial Policy Committee in the Bank of England has been given the authority and the macro-prudential tools to act.

• Please don't ask me what a macro-prudential tool is - my advisors put that in.

They have also insisted on the toughest stress tests for our banks, so that this time round they can withstand the worst.

• Rather than splitting up institutions that we hold to be "too big to fail" we have started to maesure just how much too big they are.

Before Christmas, the Bank acted with the Treasury to refocus the Funding for Lending Scheme away from mortgages towards small business lending.

• So now people realise they can't afford houses we are going to sell them the dream of having their own business. We don't need to worry that half of all small businesses fail within five years because the banks will always be preferential lenders.

And earlier this year, our regulators put much more rigorous mortgage standards in place.

• But you know you can continue to ignore them because we made them "guidance," not "rules."

These are all important steps.

• This helped to make us look as though we tried to make you change your ways.

The FPC already have further tools in their armoury. But today we go further.

• And if the Conservative Party donations dry up, watch it. And now, for your amusement ...

I want to make sure that the Bank of England has all the weapons it needs to guard against risks in the housing market.

• Even governments who dislike regulation have to do something when the banks are too stupid to act in their own best interests.

I want to protect those who own homes, protect those who aspire to own a home, and protect the millions who suffer when boom turns to bust.

• We have to say this kind of stuff so the turkeys will keep voting for Christmas.

So today, I am giving the Bank new powers over mortgages including over the size of mortgage loans as a share of family incomes or the value of the house.

• So I am making sure that the next time you get caught with your pants down you can blame the Bank of England for not regulating you effectively enough.

In other words, if the Bank of England thinks some borrowers are being offered excessive amounts of debt, they can limit the proportion of high loan to income mortgages each bank can lend, or even ban all new lending above a specific loan to income ratio.

• Stop lending to poor people!

And if they really think a dangerous housing bubble is developing, they will be able to impose similar caps on loan to value ratios – as they do in places like Hong Kong.

• Really, stop lending to poor people.

It’s important that decisions to use these powerful tools are made independently of politics by the Bank of England.

• We will nevertheless continue to ensure that bankers and politicians maintain our cosy relationships behind closed doors in our gentlemen's clubs, we just can't let anyone know what we are doing.

We saw from the last crisis the dangerous temptations for politicians to leave the punch bowl where it is and keep the party going on too long.

• Because ultimately we all know politicians can be just as greedy and stupid as bankers.

And just in case there is any doubt.

• Nobody with half a brain is going to believe this.

I say today, very clearly: the Bank of England should not hesitate to use these new powers if they think it necessary to protect financial stability.

• But it means I too will be able to blame the Bank of England when the shit hits the fan.

And I commit that while the Bank and the Treasury will need to design how these powers will work in detail, and will want to consult on them, I will make sure that they are legislated for and in place before the end of the Parliament.

• So yo just let Mark know what you want. He'll tell me and I'll make sure you get the laws you need to back it up.

And I also commit today that if the Bank does act in future to limit mortgage lending then the same rules will be applied to every single Help to Buy mortgage.

• People seem to think we went a bit too far in reducing the housing stock available for purchase, but everyone seems to be loving the inflated rent levels.

I know that some would take a more ideological position and end the Help to Buy scheme altogether.

• I will continue to refuse to admit that I have ever been wrong,

They would return to the situation where only those first time buyers lucky enough to have rich parents would be able to afford the large deposits demanded by the banks.

• Of course people on lower incomes still won't be able to afford to buy.

My approach will be dictated by the facts, not by ideology.

• But ideology has to be supported no matter what the cost.

And the facts show that Help to Buy is working as intended.

• Did I mention that lots of my friends love the inflated rents they can charge on their government subsidized property purchases?

As the IMF concluded last week, it is helping lower income families, overwhelmingly first-time buyers outside London, to buy homes priced well below the national average.

• Of course people still can't afford houses in London.

It is not fuelling house price inflation in London or at the top of the market.

• Property inflation in London is going crazy.

It is helping families, and that is how we intend to keep it.

• Rich families deserve our support.

So today I’ve taken big new steps to protect financial stability, strengthen the new role of the Bank of England and completed the range of tools at their disposal.

• So today I've window-dressed the property market, but business as usual can continue.

This addresses the economic problem of how we stop rising house prices leading to an unsustainable rise in household indebtedness, and threatening the wider economy.

• I have no proof that this will work, but the evidence is that we just have to say it's working and the Murdoch press will amplify that in their echo chamber so everyone believes it.

But it does not address the social problem of how we stop young families being priced out of the housing market altogether.

• We have to price young families out of the housing market altogether.

That requires a third pillar to our housing strategy, alongside the clear analysis and new financial weapons.

• And we are prepared to do so at any cost.

We need to see a lot more homes being built in Britain.

• The homeless are beginning to make the place look untidy, and builders are complaining about low profits.

The growing demand for housing has to be met by growing supply.

• Of course there isn't any other way to meet a demand, but I have never been one to eschew redundancy.

The alternative, as in any market, is that prices will rise so that homes become unaffordable to many of our citizens and take up ever more of their incomes.

• Prices will continue to rise to make homes unaffordable to most young people, and the banks who issue mortgages will continue to get more of homeowners' money.

We’ve already taken big steps to deliver those new homes.

• We heard you the first time.

We’ve reformed our antiquated planning system.

• And we've done all we can to ensure that property developers can continue to ruin London's skyline.

The changes were hard –fought and controversial, like all things worth battling for in politics, and now they are already starting to work.

• Of course the oiks didn't like it.

Last week we saw permissions for new homes rising by 20% in a year.

• But the builders did.

We’ve got the biggest programme of new social housing in a generation; we’re regenerating the worst of our housing estates; and we’ve got the first garden city for almost a century underway in Ebbsfleet.

• We have had to do something because it was embarrassing that 2012 and 2013 saw new housing starts continue at their lowest point since 1970.

Now we need to do more. Much more.

• So we were kind of forced into this.

We have beautiful landscapes, and they too are part of the inheritance of the next generation.

• Don't you just love Hyde Park?

To preserve them, we must make other compromises.

• And of course nobody really cares where the oiks live.

If we want to limit development on important green spaces, we have to remove all the obstacles that remain to development on brown field sites.

• So we are going to make it easier to put them on dodgy land.

Today we do that with these radical steps.

• Of course there'll be a lot of bitching and moaning.

Councils will be required to put local development orders on over 90% of brownfield sites that are suitable for housing.

• And we won't really worry too much about what "suitable" means - that's why we changed the regulations to reduce the scope for appeals.

This urban planning revolution will mean that in effect development on these sites will be pre-approved – local authorities will be able to specify the type of housing, not whether there is housing.

• And we've got those pesky local councils out of the builder's way so that local opinion won't mean shit.

And it will mean planning permission for up to 200,000 new homes – while at the same time protecting our green spaces.

• We'll still be able to enjoy our lovely country homes unbothered by oiks.

Tomorrow, Boris Johnson and I will jointly set out plans for new housing zones across London backed by new infrastructure, so that we see thousands of new homes for London families.

• Boris had got some great ideas about where we can put the oiks in London.

And we’ll take the same approach in the rest of the country; with almost half a billion pounds of financial assistance in total set aside to make it work.

• Treble brandies all rounf for the builders, that should shut them up.

Now I suspect there will be people who object to new building, even on the brownfields of our cities.

• Remember, the oiks aren't going to like this.

But let me be clear.

• But screw them.

I will not stand by and allow this generation, many of whom have been fortunate enough to own their own home, to say to the next generation: we’re pulling up the property ladder behind us.

• Time to pull the property ladder up behind us.

So we will build the houses Britain needs so that more families can have the economic security that comes with home ownership.

• We are planning for the wage slaves to become mortgage slaves as well.

And today I will give the Bank of England the powers it needs over mortgages, so that Britain’s economic stability always comes first.

• But remember, you have to run your finance plans past Mark first. Just call his PA and arrange lunch at your club.

And that is what our long term economic plan is delivering.

• Don't you just love having a conservative majority?

Lord Mayor, Ladies and Gentlemen,

• So, before we get the cigars out

Insisting on the integrity of our financial markets.

• Business as usual on banking corruption.

Confronting the risks from our housing market.

• More money for the builders and financiers.

Tackling the long term challenge of housing supply.

• Making sure we don't have to mingle with the hoi pollpoi.

These are the further actions I take today to ensure that we learn from the mistakes of the past and build a resilient economy for all.

• So the next five years should be a bonanza for the wealthy.

These last four years have required difficult decisions.

• We got tired of listening to the LibDems whining.

We embarked on the hard task of rebuilding our economy; and making sure our country could pay its way in the world.

• But now, after Miliband's over-hasty departure we have no effective political opposition so we've been able to do what we like.

That task is not complete.

• And wait, there'll be more.

Our national prosperity is not yet secure.

• We see no reason why the wealthy should not continue to increase their wealth at the expense of the downtrodden, and now nobody else cares about them either.

But if we carry on working through our long term economic plan then we can say with confidence that brighter days lie ahead.

• So, like I said, treble brandies all round. Who's got the cigars?